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Posts Tagged ‘wake up’

Hi there folks, this is Yours Truly, King Taco.  It has come to my attention that this blog focuses entirely too much on how “adorable” we cats are, without much thought to proper education for cats.  I mean, if you are a Cat Lover, surely you would want your cat to be an expert in the fine art of Human Training, no?

So, with the aid of my well-trained human, I will commence this series with a most important topic: Waking Your Human.

Be aware that Waking Your Human on time, every morning, is not only your duty as a responsible Human Owner, it can be both a challenge and a pleasure.  And, as we all know, it is vitally important that our food and water bowls be filled by the prescribed time of day and attention be given to us as we demand it, even if that may be quite “early” (by silly human standards) in the day.

For starters, choose the time that is the most convenient for you, say 5 or 6 in the morning.  Of course we don’t need those silly “clock” things, our ability to “tell time” is far superior to Humans.

1) Try gently nuzzling your Human, with a few quick mews added in for effect. This may work well and get your Human up in a relatively good mood…unless she’s doing the horrible “sleeping in” thing-NOT ALLOWED, it SPOILS them.

2) Walking on your Human is quite effective, though if you get nudged off the bed repeatedly it’s time to move on to more obvious and annoying tactics.

3) If there are blinds in your Human’s room, definitely go for the pawing and clawing at the blinds effect.  This can be quite loud and should do the trick.

4) If your Human is still asleep (more likely pretending to be asleep in the hope that you’ll go away) it’s time to get serious.  Jump on every piece of furniture and look for the easiest stuff to push off onto the floor.  Your Human might be getting a bit cranky by this time.  Ignore it.  If you’re still not getting results, try swatting bigger, heavier, more breakable stuff.  Trust me, it’s a waker-upper.

5) If your Human is not panting heavily swearing under their breath at this point, there is one other option: ripping and shredding!  My very favorite is pulling the calender off the wall and shredding it to bits.  Well usually I don’t get that far, since I have accomplished my goal.

Now, if you get tossed out of the room, of course the only option is to scratch frantically at the door.  You can get other cats to aid in this and other ventures (more than one cat makes for MUCH faster results) and Mango is my scratching at the door expert.  He gets down low and claws the heck out of the bottom of the door, while I lean up over him and claw the upper part.  It works!

Mango has another trick that works well for him, clawing on the carpet right by the bed.  Mango can do it really LOUDLY and I have to give the boring old boy credit for that!

Anyway, your Human should be up and moving (albeit grouchily) towards the food bowl by this time, so take the time to show thanks by acting loveable and “happy”.  This is a good control measure, and your Human should respond well (though slowly) to some well-thought-out “cutesy” antics.  This also ensures an affable atmosphere in the home.  Remember: Humans are easily distracted, and more easily controlled.  Just purr, “chirp” and do some silly stuff and your Human will be placated and ready to do your bidding.  We are all unique and have our own little “tricks”.  Mango, for instance, does somersaults when he sees the Mommy.  He’s got her wrapped in his own little old-fart Mango way.  Experiment and use your unlimited imagination!

Wishing the cat blogosphere much success in Human Training, next topic will be “Five Ways To Sneak Outside” so watch for another post coming soon!

Yours Truly:

King Taco